Oh My Gosh.

Imagine this, (I know it won't be difficult for many of you)...

You're sitting in your house, your kids are a going crazy and you can't seem to grasp the entirety of what's going on.  Your oldest child has a fever and is on the verge of throwing up, your middle child won't stop climbing on you and yelling about what he wants because it isn't a choice and then he repeatedly tries to sneak that bag of chips out of the pantry, (with a squeaky door, thank goodness) even though you've told him over and over he can't have them and your youngest who is also beyond exhausted won't stop screaming and crying about that 3rd muffin he wants, but can't have and the world is spinning and all you want is to tend to your sick child and on the way you have to tend to about 30 different emotions from 2 very tired, hungry and sad children and OH MY GOSH.  "Cut"!  And when my kids don't act break I wishfully touch my finger tips together in the hopes that Evie from 'Out Of This World' had it right and we really could freeze time.

In my children's defense I am pretty sure I am overly exhausted myself and just need a break (don't we all?) and at the end of what felt like the longest week ever, (yes, this all happened yesterday - Friday) I had, had enough.  I tried not to give in to the TV and iPad and when this moment hit where all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and shut everyone out I sat on the ground and did puzzles with Lennon and tended to my sick sweet Abelle and brought Tiger to his room for some quiet one on one talk time and voila! All was right in the Kornick household.  It turns out all they needed was a little extra time from their mama.  Dinner had to wait and folding laundry had to take a backseat.  I am so grateful to my husband who had the day off for finishing the laundry for me.  A task that he often helps with.  Would the day have gone as smoothly if he weren't home?  Most likely no. There probably would have been more tears (on my end also) and I probably would have turned on the TV or given the iPad to steal a few moments to myself.

I do believe that this all sounds pretty "normal" when it comes to having children.  Meltdowns and tiredness and hunger do not mix well and add to that a tired mama and BOOM.  OH MY GOSH moments.  I can handle it all (or I pretend to), but every now and then I think to myself that I desperately want Lennon to just let up.  I know how horrible it is for him when his world is thrown out of whack or when he doesn't know what to expect next and even though I try my best to be patient and explain to him why what he wants isn't a choice I can't help but feel like I want to look at him and yell, "I am trying"!  I ask him to use his words and help him to find the right ones and then I feel frustrated because my words aren't enough.  He needs more.  So I aim to seek more.  Advocacy never ends.

Anabelle was sick last night - she did finally throw up and this morning, even though she is a bit feverish she ate a banana and an orange and says she is feeling better.  We are going to spend the day outside and see if that helps her.  I pepperminted her feet and oiled her up with Frankincense and diffused cinnamon all night in her room.  Hope whatever she had stops with her.

Tiger is... well... Tiger.  My voice of reason and my monster all in one.  And after our tough day yesterday he seems to be on a better path today.  We have family visiting so I am sure that helps.  Oh and our newest addition - our cat that Anabelle lovingly named Equestria has been a wonderful addition to our family.  Even after having to spend $340 at the vet.  :/

All in a day, right?  I am right there with you all.  And with that, I leave you with this - It works for me in my oh my gosh moments.  Hope it works for you too.  Peace, friends.

Why I don't look around when my child screams in a public place

Lennon is a screamer.  It's been established.  He has moments when he feels frustration and I can only imagine how out of control.  And in those moments he screams.  It is NOT a tantrum.  It could be the smallest of things to you or me, but to him it is meaningful and impactful.  His food could have fallen on the floor or I could have leisurely said no when he asked for more french fries.  Neither you nor I have to understand it, but I do empathize.  And I know, no matter how small I THINK the situation is, it is bigger to him.  My sensitive, loving and amazing beautiful boy.   His screams, on a whole, have drastically decreased, as he does quite well with transition and adapting.  However, every now and then... it's baaaack...  The high pitched blood curdling scream.  And the last time it happened I didn't dare turn my heard to scan the room.  Why?  Because my son deserves 100% of my attention in that moment of frustration.  And because his siblings don't need to see their mama worrying about the reactions of others - complete strangers.  Because he is my son.  And because I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks.

Now...  I admit, when my kids were younger I worried so much about other people and what they thought when they screamed or melted down or ran around and acted like, you know...  children.  I used to gather them from public places and cry in the car wondering what on earth people thought of me when my child screamed so loudly because he or she didn't get what they wanted.  And because I didn't know how to help my babies.  It felt pretty awful to feel judged by complete strangers.  And sometimes by "friends".  So much so that I often just stayed home or left my kids at home when I had to run errands.  It wasn't until I began to blog about my journeys through life as my kiddos mama that I felt stronger.  I started to learn that the opinions of others simply do not matter when it comes to how I care for my children.  And if someone truly loves me or my children then they will offer to help or support me when we're having a rough day.  Sometimes all us mamas need is a hug or an emphatic smile with that tell that you get it.  And you understand.  And we're all on the same team.  In my case that still ends up with me crying, but for much better reasons.

Ok, back to Lennon screaming.  We were in a restaurant (of course, right?) and we were enjoying a lovely lunch with our close friends (with children the same ages as my kiddos) when Lennon decided he wanted more french fries. Typically this isn't a problem because there are more to give.  And in most cases Anabelle will give hers to him because she has an incredible heart of gold and is so caring that it almost literally makes my heart melt.  In this instance there were no more to be had and I told him they were all gone.  And, (I want to say out of the blue because it had been so long since he had reacted this way), then he let out that scream that makes you jump out of your seat.  And in that moment I looked directly at him and asked him to lower his voice and called him over to me so we could sit and talk face to face, as opposed to across the table.  Fortunately the family we were sitting with loves us and is very familiar with my beautiful boy so the only reaction we got from them, was the highly expected "ouch" because it did hurt.  And a few smiles... :)  I remember feeling like I was free.  I know that sounds unusual, but I realized that I didn't look around because I didn't care to see anyone else's face.  I heard a few "whoas" and heads turning, but I didn't mind.  I focused on my son and my family and my friends and really, isn't that what's most important?

Learning how to juggle life with unpredictables and challenges and highs and lows takes a lot of practice. And still, practice does not make perfect and in my humble opinion perfection is overrated.  I will tell you this though...  As much as it isn't an easy road to travel and I often feel like I've hit a wall, I won't stop vocalizing what's important, I will never stop advocating and I will never look around when my child screams in a public place.  Because a strangers reaction, when compared to the angst of my child, means absolutely nothing to me.