For those who know me, know I like to keep things real. I'm an honest person and relentless by nature. A Wolf At Heart. Fiercely loyal, guarded and always fighting for those I love and what I believe in. This heart of mine has taken me on quite the roller coaster ride of emotions this summer and while I often try to let my head do the steering, sometimes my emotions get the best of me. And since my heart is where my children live it's no wonder this course often leads me toward the path of uncertainty. There are few things worse than not knowing what will be. And when you have children who are on the spectrum then the unknown can be even more daunting. I do this to myself every summer. And then school starts and I breathe and realize everything is going to be ok. The need for routine lives in us all and without the daily structure that getting up and going to school provided we kind of all went a little bit crazy. We are three days away from Anabelle and Lennon going back to school, (Tiger already started) and WE ALL CAN'T WAIT.
The good news is with Tiger going back to school already we've all had to take him and get out of the house. Which meant we were able to finish up last minute school shopping for Anabelle and Lennon and I gave in and got Lennon his end of the summer, back to school haircut. He looks so damn cute.
So, how did our summer go? It went... well. The kids getting older meant I felt mentally ready tackle commitments that I would have steered clear of in the past. Anabelle expressed interest in "swimming in races" so we enrolled her in swim classes to learn her strokes. And Tiger and Lennon sat with me as we all watched her learn. It also encouraged Tiger to try to swim without his floaties and within a week he was doing it! Jumping in and swimming completely on his own. Big kid, that cub of mine. Anabelle completed 3 weeks of swim lessons and I have now enrolled her in a local swim club to continue learning strokes and lane swimming. Still feeling a little bit reluctant because of the fact that her lessons will be 2 days/week, after school and I will have the boys with me, but nowhere near as hesitant as I would have been last summer. Baby steps. Always moving forward.
Anabelle is almost as tall as me. She is still such a little spirit. Free in nature, loving and very much a spitfire. She has mastered her negotiation skills this summer and she has become quite the little problem solver. Her memory has improved and we've spent a lot of this summer talking about trips we've taken or stuff she remembers as a baby. It's so fascinating to hear her say things like "do you remember when I rode my tricycle for Monarch and won a medal"? Um... Yes I do! She is such a little independent sweet soul and her sometimes tough exterior is no match for her kind and gentle heart. It's hard not to expect too much from her. She is so smart and so capable. What I see when I look at her... oh man. I cry. She will build bridges one day.
Lennon has grown leaps and bounds. And as much as he continues to challenge me on a daily basis I have been able to step outside of myself enough to recognize how far he has come. I know he tries to push my buttons and rather than using his words he will cry or scream at me and I have to let him know that, that's just not gonna fly. I know what he's capable of and I am sure he is capable of way more than I even give him credit for. He is so fricken smart. He loves to sing and he loves to read. We've read a slew of books this summer and more often than not I will catch him sitting on his bed with a book in hand, just reading to himself. Our screen time has decreased and I started playing music every morning. This beautiful boy of mine will sit on the couch and dance and sing and listen and act as if his entire body is feeling the music. I could sit and watch him all day... Imagining and wondering what is going through his mind. Does he feel the music? He must. When I sit with him and we listen together my heart feels it and I tear up and cry. Totally and awesomely by coincidence RIGHT NOW the song that is playing is, "The Energy Never Dies". It really doesn't.
Tiger has impressed me so much this summer. He hears and sees everything and is always wanting to learn. Every time I sat down to do a homeschool lesson with Anabelle and Lennon he was right there with us, asking for his work also. He would wake up and ask for circle time where we would sing songs and read together. And at dinner time he would ask us all to sit together to "talk about our days". He was so excited to go back to school to be in the "big kid" classroom and when we all went to his Meet the Teacher night he wanted me to leave him there. He loves his siblings and has a very special bond with his "sissy". I wish he and Lennon would play together more, but I understand that Lennon is not quite there yet. My heart does break a little when I hear Anabelle and Tiger having a blast in their make believe world without him. Will he join them one day? I can see you shaking your head, yes. I agree. :) He loves to play and will often sit down next to them to watch. He is always watching.
Ok, so here we are! THREE DAYS from school starting and routines and structure and yes, more crazy. Even though there were many a rough patches this summer I am finding myself in a different head and heart space than last year. Ready to take on the school year and ready to be even more involved. Ready to take on commitments and to encourage my children to do the same. *Remind me of this later when I'm stressing out about said commitments* ;)
Happy end of summer days to you! And to us! Three more days!
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Voice Over Matter
My children have a voice. And their voices vary. At any given time I can get a happy, sad, angry, loud, quiet, compassionate, kind or assertive voice from them. And the thing I need to consistently remind myself is that regardless of what tone is carrying their ever so important voice it is my job to hear them. And to continue to teach them that their voice matters.
Having 3 children with 3 very different ways of communication has led me to hastily impose expectations when I see an advancement in any one of them. Anabelle is 8 years old and up until recently I admit I used her developmental progress as a measure of where I expected Lennon to be by now. That expectation has only led me to feel like a failure in his development. And that gets us nowhere. Lennon's journey through life is his own and how dare I measure his abilities or development against anyone else. I will remind myself to stop it. Over and over.
And then Tiger came along and completely rocked my world. At the age of 2 he spoke more to me than his older siblings combined and of course that led me to expect WAY more from him. So I remind myself that it isn't fair to expect so much from him simply because he is developing at a pace that he's "supposed" to be. My brain hurts.
I realize that Anabelle, Lennon and Tiger are on different paths in life and while I want so badly to set their paths for them, it simply is not up to me. I will take cues from them and help to guide them along the way. I will remind myself, and others, that they are little human beings and their world is still so new. And I will watch them to see what moves them and encourage them to take part in that aspect of life. Learning these things is so tough. Some of the hardest lessons ever. Children can teach you a lot, if you just listen. And while I find myself constantly asking them to listen to me, I don't think I listen to them enough. I may be their mother, but we are all on the same team. Team KornicKrew. Foreva.
I need to cut my kids some slack. And myself, I suppose.
I realize that Anabelle, Lennon and Tiger are on different paths in life and while I want so badly to set their paths for them, it simply is not up to me. I will take cues from them and help to guide them along the way. I will remind myself, and others, that they are little human beings and their world is still so new. And I will watch them to see what moves them and encourage them to take part in that aspect of life. Learning these things is so tough. Some of the hardest lessons ever. Children can teach you a lot, if you just listen. And while I find myself constantly asking them to listen to me, I don't think I listen to them enough. I may be their mother, but we are all on the same team. Team KornicKrew. Foreva.
I need to cut my kids some slack. And myself, I suppose.
That is all.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Please don't be offended if...
Dear friends. Classmates. Acquaintances. Please don't be offended if we don't take you up on your birthday party invites.
Over the last school year, there were several days where I would pick up Lennon from school and there was an invite to a birthday party in his cubbie. I do realize that under ordinary circumstances a birthday invite would be something exciting and if I truly know you and you truly know and love my child then it is! However, in most cases, (and I want to be clear - I am not taking away from the sincerity here) his entire class was invited and I have no doubt, while it was sincere, he was included because the family was kind enough to not want to leave anyone out. I appreciate that. I really do. And I hope you weren't offended when we did not show up.
The 1st thing I think when Lennon gets a birthday invite is... "where is the party going to be"? A park? Too scary. A bounce house? Can I bring my other children? The house of the birthday girl or boy? Too many unknowns. And then I fall. Into a black hole where my mind spirals out of control with every possible scenario and how will I solve any potential problems and what if they don't have cupcakes or what if they don't have the kind of cake he likes or what if he doesn't like the food that's served or what if we bring our own food and they get offended and you see? SPIRALING. OUT. OF. CONTROL.
The truth of it all is I see myself bringing him to party and I prepare myself for "the worst" and I count down the hours until the party is over. Sounds fun, doesn't it? For those who don't know, my son loves cake frosting. He loves fruit and bunny (and goldfish) crackers and he loves hot dogs. The food he loves, he loves with a passion (he is my child, after all) and where there's a will, there's a way. He won't think twice about walking right up to the birthday cake and sticking his fingers right in it. He will also walk right up to your plate and take a piece of food right off it. And it used to mortify me. Yes... "used to". I've spent the better part of his life constantly redirecting him and correcting him and trying to change him. And I am sick and tired of hearing my own voice calling out to him because he's running away too far or because he's "at it again" with the cake or food. And the last thing I want him to do is upset the birthday boy or girl. So... we avoid the situation entirely. Because not only am I in a position where I have to constantly watch Lennon and call out to him and stop him from giving into temptation, I am also profusely apologizing to the parents. And then we leave and I think, thank goodness that's over. And we will most likely not get another invite again. Which I am ok with because my brain and my throat hurt from all the thinking and loud talking.
Now, please don't get me wrong. I understand the "rules of life" and I know that my child "shouldn't" be sticking his fingers in other peoples cake or on other peoples plates of food and I know that he "should" have better manners. Do you see where I'm going with this? In the grand scheme of things I know this behavior is not acceptable by most standards and that's exactly why we simply avoid the scenario entirely. I work with him at home and I work with him with friends and the last thing I want is to work with him at a party where fun is the name of the game. And the truth is... I am not sorry. I'm just not. I am done apologizing for my sons behavior because what he does is who he is and who he is, is magic to me. His heart and soul are genuine and he loves with his whole heart. And if you're lucky enough to have this kid love you than I promise you, you are better for it. I know we are.
Over the last school year, there were several days where I would pick up Lennon from school and there was an invite to a birthday party in his cubbie. I do realize that under ordinary circumstances a birthday invite would be something exciting and if I truly know you and you truly know and love my child then it is! However, in most cases, (and I want to be clear - I am not taking away from the sincerity here) his entire class was invited and I have no doubt, while it was sincere, he was included because the family was kind enough to not want to leave anyone out. I appreciate that. I really do. And I hope you weren't offended when we did not show up.
The 1st thing I think when Lennon gets a birthday invite is... "where is the party going to be"? A park? Too scary. A bounce house? Can I bring my other children? The house of the birthday girl or boy? Too many unknowns. And then I fall. Into a black hole where my mind spirals out of control with every possible scenario and how will I solve any potential problems and what if they don't have cupcakes or what if they don't have the kind of cake he likes or what if he doesn't like the food that's served or what if we bring our own food and they get offended and you see? SPIRALING. OUT. OF. CONTROL.
The truth of it all is I see myself bringing him to party and I prepare myself for "the worst" and I count down the hours until the party is over. Sounds fun, doesn't it? For those who don't know, my son loves cake frosting. He loves fruit and bunny (and goldfish) crackers and he loves hot dogs. The food he loves, he loves with a passion (he is my child, after all) and where there's a will, there's a way. He won't think twice about walking right up to the birthday cake and sticking his fingers right in it. He will also walk right up to your plate and take a piece of food right off it. And it used to mortify me. Yes... "used to". I've spent the better part of his life constantly redirecting him and correcting him and trying to change him. And I am sick and tired of hearing my own voice calling out to him because he's running away too far or because he's "at it again" with the cake or food. And the last thing I want him to do is upset the birthday boy or girl. So... we avoid the situation entirely. Because not only am I in a position where I have to constantly watch Lennon and call out to him and stop him from giving into temptation, I am also profusely apologizing to the parents. And then we leave and I think, thank goodness that's over. And we will most likely not get another invite again. Which I am ok with because my brain and my throat hurt from all the thinking and loud talking.
Now, please don't get me wrong. I understand the "rules of life" and I know that my child "shouldn't" be sticking his fingers in other peoples cake or on other peoples plates of food and I know that he "should" have better manners. Do you see where I'm going with this? In the grand scheme of things I know this behavior is not acceptable by most standards and that's exactly why we simply avoid the scenario entirely. I work with him at home and I work with him with friends and the last thing I want is to work with him at a party where fun is the name of the game. And the truth is... I am not sorry. I'm just not. I am done apologizing for my sons behavior because what he does is who he is and who he is, is magic to me. His heart and soul are genuine and he loves with his whole heart. And if you're lucky enough to have this kid love you than I promise you, you are better for it. I know we are.
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
The Tough Get Going.
Tough. It's an interesting word. One that describes all sorts of situations. From days with children who have meltdowns to days where I miss them so much while they're at school. Tough stands for that moment when my child is so sad that he or she can't hold it together enough to communicate his or her feelings and tough stands for that moment I drop my child off at school and have to walk out the door because lingering causes him to get upset. Tough stands for how I'm going to manage a summer with children who are so used to routine and tough stands for children (and me) who are so ready for summer that getting ready in the morning has become a tedious task. Tough stands for everyday. Because let's be real. I love my children, with every ounce of my being, but being a parent is... TOUGH. And we all know that with the tough, comes the not so tough. The amazing. The beauty. The love. Oh man, the love.
I don't expect to stroll through life without the tough days, but I do expect, (hope) them to get easier. I hope that one day my children and I will have a clearer line of communication and the meltdowns will be less frequent. I know the tough will translate into other moments and like the current I will "get going" on handling those also. I also cry. I think it's important. I cry when I need to, although almost never in public or around friends. I will admit though that the other day I was having an exceptionally tough day and instead of driving my children home from our lunch date I went into auto pilot and drove straight to one of my dearest friends house. She opened the door and even though she had no idea we were coming she welcomed us with open arms. And in her arms I fell. And cried my eyes out. And I gotta tell you - it felt damn good. The tough day that had so recently caused me to just melt quickly "got going" and I felt better. So grateful for understanding, kind, beautiful friends. There is nothing better than letting out a good cry when a tough day comes to an end. Emotions are good. And good friends are even better.
Something my amazing daughter has taught me is to truly grasp the beauty of the rainbow. I've always loved the colors, but her beautiful, free spirited soul has shown me something else. The colors in the universe are splendid and capable of so much. Sometimes they run and sometimes they gray. But no matter what - at the end of a tough, ("rainy") day those colors appear to remind us of just that. And when the going get tough. The tough get going. Without fail.
I don't expect to stroll through life without the tough days, but I do expect, (hope) them to get easier. I hope that one day my children and I will have a clearer line of communication and the meltdowns will be less frequent. I know the tough will translate into other moments and like the current I will "get going" on handling those also. I also cry. I think it's important. I cry when I need to, although almost never in public or around friends. I will admit though that the other day I was having an exceptionally tough day and instead of driving my children home from our lunch date I went into auto pilot and drove straight to one of my dearest friends house. She opened the door and even though she had no idea we were coming she welcomed us with open arms. And in her arms I fell. And cried my eyes out. And I gotta tell you - it felt damn good. The tough day that had so recently caused me to just melt quickly "got going" and I felt better. So grateful for understanding, kind, beautiful friends. There is nothing better than letting out a good cry when a tough day comes to an end. Emotions are good. And good friends are even better.
Something my amazing daughter has taught me is to truly grasp the beauty of the rainbow. I've always loved the colors, but her beautiful, free spirited soul has shown me something else. The colors in the universe are splendid and capable of so much. Sometimes they run and sometimes they gray. But no matter what - at the end of a tough, ("rainy") day those colors appear to remind us of just that. And when the going get tough. The tough get going. Without fail.
My Krew.
Overcoming "the tough" one day at a time.
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Oh My Gosh.
Imagine this, (I know it won't be difficult for many of you)...
You're sitting in your house, your kids are a going crazy and you can't seem to grasp the entirety of what's going on. Your oldest child has a fever and is on the verge of throwing up, your middle child won't stop climbing on you and yelling about what he wants because it isn't a choice and then he repeatedly tries to sneak that bag of chips out of the pantry, (with a squeaky door, thank goodness) even though you've told him over and over he can't have them and your youngest who is also beyond exhausted won't stop screaming and crying about that 3rd muffin he wants, but can't have and the world is spinning and all you want is to tend to your sick child and on the way you have to tend to about 30 different emotions from 2 very tired, hungry and sad children and OH MY GOSH. "Cut"! And when my kids don't act break I wishfully touch my finger tips together in the hopes that Evie from 'Out Of This World' had it right and we really could freeze time.
In my children's defense I am pretty sure I am overly exhausted myself and just need a break (don't we all?) and at the end of what felt like the longest week ever, (yes, this all happened yesterday - Friday) I had, had enough. I tried not to give in to the TV and iPad and when this moment hit where all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and shut everyone out I sat on the ground and did puzzles with Lennon and tended to my sick sweet Abelle and brought Tiger to his room for some quiet one on one talk time and voila! All was right in the Kornick household. It turns out all they needed was a little extra time from their mama. Dinner had to wait and folding laundry had to take a backseat. I am so grateful to my husband who had the day off for finishing the laundry for me. A task that he often helps with. Would the day have gone as smoothly if he weren't home? Most likely no. There probably would have been more tears (on my end also) and I probably would have turned on the TV or given the iPad to steal a few moments to myself.
I do believe that this all sounds pretty "normal" when it comes to having children. Meltdowns and tiredness and hunger do not mix well and add to that a tired mama and BOOM. OH MY GOSH moments. I can handle it all (or I pretend to), but every now and then I think to myself that I desperately want Lennon to just let up. I know how horrible it is for him when his world is thrown out of whack or when he doesn't know what to expect next and even though I try my best to be patient and explain to him why what he wants isn't a choice I can't help but feel like I want to look at him and yell, "I am trying"! I ask him to use his words and help him to find the right ones and then I feel frustrated because my words aren't enough. He needs more. So I aim to seek more. Advocacy never ends.
Anabelle was sick last night - she did finally throw up and this morning, even though she is a bit feverish she ate a banana and an orange and says she is feeling better. We are going to spend the day outside and see if that helps her. I pepperminted her feet and oiled her up with Frankincense and diffused cinnamon all night in her room. Hope whatever she had stops with her.
Tiger is... well... Tiger. My voice of reason and my monster all in one. And after our tough day yesterday he seems to be on a better path today. We have family visiting so I am sure that helps. Oh and our newest addition - our cat that Anabelle lovingly named Equestria has been a wonderful addition to our family. Even after having to spend $340 at the vet. :/
You're sitting in your house, your kids are a going crazy and you can't seem to grasp the entirety of what's going on. Your oldest child has a fever and is on the verge of throwing up, your middle child won't stop climbing on you and yelling about what he wants because it isn't a choice and then he repeatedly tries to sneak that bag of chips out of the pantry, (with a squeaky door, thank goodness) even though you've told him over and over he can't have them and your youngest who is also beyond exhausted won't stop screaming and crying about that 3rd muffin he wants, but can't have and the world is spinning and all you want is to tend to your sick child and on the way you have to tend to about 30 different emotions from 2 very tired, hungry and sad children and OH MY GOSH. "Cut"! And when my kids don't act break I wishfully touch my finger tips together in the hopes that Evie from 'Out Of This World' had it right and we really could freeze time.
In my children's defense I am pretty sure I am overly exhausted myself and just need a break (don't we all?) and at the end of what felt like the longest week ever, (yes, this all happened yesterday - Friday) I had, had enough. I tried not to give in to the TV and iPad and when this moment hit where all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and shut everyone out I sat on the ground and did puzzles with Lennon and tended to my sick sweet Abelle and brought Tiger to his room for some quiet one on one talk time and voila! All was right in the Kornick household. It turns out all they needed was a little extra time from their mama. Dinner had to wait and folding laundry had to take a backseat. I am so grateful to my husband who had the day off for finishing the laundry for me. A task that he often helps with. Would the day have gone as smoothly if he weren't home? Most likely no. There probably would have been more tears (on my end also) and I probably would have turned on the TV or given the iPad to steal a few moments to myself.
I do believe that this all sounds pretty "normal" when it comes to having children. Meltdowns and tiredness and hunger do not mix well and add to that a tired mama and BOOM. OH MY GOSH moments. I can handle it all (or I pretend to), but every now and then I think to myself that I desperately want Lennon to just let up. I know how horrible it is for him when his world is thrown out of whack or when he doesn't know what to expect next and even though I try my best to be patient and explain to him why what he wants isn't a choice I can't help but feel like I want to look at him and yell, "I am trying"! I ask him to use his words and help him to find the right ones and then I feel frustrated because my words aren't enough. He needs more. So I aim to seek more. Advocacy never ends.
Anabelle was sick last night - she did finally throw up and this morning, even though she is a bit feverish she ate a banana and an orange and says she is feeling better. We are going to spend the day outside and see if that helps her. I pepperminted her feet and oiled her up with Frankincense and diffused cinnamon all night in her room. Hope whatever she had stops with her.
Tiger is... well... Tiger. My voice of reason and my monster all in one. And after our tough day yesterday he seems to be on a better path today. We have family visiting so I am sure that helps. Oh and our newest addition - our cat that Anabelle lovingly named Equestria has been a wonderful addition to our family. Even after having to spend $340 at the vet. :/
All in a day, right? I am right there with you all. And with that, I leave you with this - It works for me in my oh my gosh moments. Hope it works for you too. Peace, friends.
Friday, April 3, 2015
Why I don't look around when my child screams in a public place
Lennon is a screamer. It's been established. He has moments when he feels frustration and I can only imagine how out of control. And in those moments he screams. It is NOT a tantrum. It could be the smallest of things to you or me, but to him it is meaningful and impactful. His food could have fallen on the floor or I could have leisurely said no when he asked for more french fries. Neither you nor I have to understand it, but I do empathize. And I know, no matter how small I THINK the situation is, it is bigger to him. My sensitive, loving and amazing beautiful boy. His screams, on a whole, have drastically decreased, as he does quite well with transition and adapting. However, every now and then... it's baaaack... The high pitched blood curdling scream. And the last time it happened I didn't dare turn my heard to scan the room. Why? Because my son deserves 100% of my attention in that moment of frustration. And because his siblings don't need to see their mama worrying about the reactions of others - complete strangers. Because he is my son. And because I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks.
Now... I admit, when my kids were younger I worried so much about other people and what they thought when they screamed or melted down or ran around and acted like, you know... children. I used to gather them from public places and cry in the car wondering what on earth people thought of me when my child screamed so loudly because he or she didn't get what they wanted. And because I didn't know how to help my babies. It felt pretty awful to feel judged by complete strangers. And sometimes by "friends". So much so that I often just stayed home or left my kids at home when I had to run errands. It wasn't until I began to blog about my journeys through life as my kiddos mama that I felt stronger. I started to learn that the opinions of others simply do not matter when it comes to how I care for my children. And if someone truly loves me or my children then they will offer to help or support me when we're having a rough day. Sometimes all us mamas need is a hug or an emphatic smile with that tell that you get it. And you understand. And we're all on the same team. In my case that still ends up with me crying, but for much better reasons.
Ok, back to Lennon screaming. We were in a restaurant (of course, right?) and we were enjoying a lovely lunch with our close friends (with children the same ages as my kiddos) when Lennon decided he wanted more french fries. Typically this isn't a problem because there are more to give. And in most cases Anabelle will give hers to him because she has an incredible heart of gold and is so caring that it almost literally makes my heart melt. In this instance there were no more to be had and I told him they were all gone. And, (I want to say out of the blue because it had been so long since he had reacted this way), then he let out that scream that makes you jump out of your seat. And in that moment I looked directly at him and asked him to lower his voice and called him over to me so we could sit and talk face to face, as opposed to across the table. Fortunately the family we were sitting with loves us and is very familiar with my beautiful boy so the only reaction we got from them, was the highly expected "ouch" because it did hurt. And a few smiles... :) I remember feeling like I was free. I know that sounds unusual, but I realized that I didn't look around because I didn't care to see anyone else's face. I heard a few "whoas" and heads turning, but I didn't mind. I focused on my son and my family and my friends and really, isn't that what's most important?
Learning how to juggle life with unpredictables and challenges and highs and lows takes a lot of practice. And still, practice does not make perfect and in my humble opinion perfection is overrated. I will tell you this though... As much as it isn't an easy road to travel and I often feel like I've hit a wall, I won't stop vocalizing what's important, I will never stop advocating and I will never look around when my child screams in a public place. Because a strangers reaction, when compared to the angst of my child, means absolutely nothing to me.
Now... I admit, when my kids were younger I worried so much about other people and what they thought when they screamed or melted down or ran around and acted like, you know... children. I used to gather them from public places and cry in the car wondering what on earth people thought of me when my child screamed so loudly because he or she didn't get what they wanted. And because I didn't know how to help my babies. It felt pretty awful to feel judged by complete strangers. And sometimes by "friends". So much so that I often just stayed home or left my kids at home when I had to run errands. It wasn't until I began to blog about my journeys through life as my kiddos mama that I felt stronger. I started to learn that the opinions of others simply do not matter when it comes to how I care for my children. And if someone truly loves me or my children then they will offer to help or support me when we're having a rough day. Sometimes all us mamas need is a hug or an emphatic smile with that tell that you get it. And you understand. And we're all on the same team. In my case that still ends up with me crying, but for much better reasons.
Ok, back to Lennon screaming. We were in a restaurant (of course, right?) and we were enjoying a lovely lunch with our close friends (with children the same ages as my kiddos) when Lennon decided he wanted more french fries. Typically this isn't a problem because there are more to give. And in most cases Anabelle will give hers to him because she has an incredible heart of gold and is so caring that it almost literally makes my heart melt. In this instance there were no more to be had and I told him they were all gone. And, (I want to say out of the blue because it had been so long since he had reacted this way), then he let out that scream that makes you jump out of your seat. And in that moment I looked directly at him and asked him to lower his voice and called him over to me so we could sit and talk face to face, as opposed to across the table. Fortunately the family we were sitting with loves us and is very familiar with my beautiful boy so the only reaction we got from them, was the highly expected "ouch" because it did hurt. And a few smiles... :) I remember feeling like I was free. I know that sounds unusual, but I realized that I didn't look around because I didn't care to see anyone else's face. I heard a few "whoas" and heads turning, but I didn't mind. I focused on my son and my family and my friends and really, isn't that what's most important?
Learning how to juggle life with unpredictables and challenges and highs and lows takes a lot of practice. And still, practice does not make perfect and in my humble opinion perfection is overrated. I will tell you this though... As much as it isn't an easy road to travel and I often feel like I've hit a wall, I won't stop vocalizing what's important, I will never stop advocating and I will never look around when my child screams in a public place. Because a strangers reaction, when compared to the angst of my child, means absolutely nothing to me.
Friday, March 27, 2015
Welcome!
Welcome to Part 3 of my blogging journey! Thank you so much for following thus far.
I created this blog to start journaling the hear and now... random thoughts, feelings and/or experiences that go along with having 2 children on the spectrum and a child whose development is "typical".
Writing things down is therapeutic and helps me to cope with the daily struggles we incur as a family. It also helps me to journalize and remember the good. There is so much good.
I promise to keep it real. Thank you for following along.
Just like a Rainbow, my children represent to me, beauty, magic and endless possibilities. And where their journey in this life will lead them I haven't a clue, but I know for damn sure they will each find their way to their own pot of gold.
I created this blog to start journaling the hear and now... random thoughts, feelings and/or experiences that go along with having 2 children on the spectrum and a child whose development is "typical".
Writing things down is therapeutic and helps me to cope with the daily struggles we incur as a family. It also helps me to journalize and remember the good. There is so much good.
I promise to keep it real. Thank you for following along.
Just like a Rainbow, my children represent to me, beauty, magic and endless possibilities. And where their journey in this life will lead them I haven't a clue, but I know for damn sure they will each find their way to their own pot of gold.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)