For those who know me, know I like to keep things real. I'm an honest person and relentless by nature. A Wolf At Heart. Fiercely loyal, guarded and always fighting for those I love and what I believe in. This heart of mine has taken me on quite the roller coaster ride of emotions this summer and while I often try to let my head do the steering, sometimes my emotions get the best of me. And since my heart is where my children live it's no wonder this course often leads me toward the path of uncertainty. There are few things worse than not knowing what will be. And when you have children who are on the spectrum then the unknown can be even more daunting. I do this to myself every summer. And then school starts and I breathe and realize everything is going to be ok. The need for routine lives in us all and without the daily structure that getting up and going to school provided we kind of all went a little bit crazy. We are three days away from Anabelle and Lennon going back to school, (Tiger already started) and WE ALL CAN'T WAIT.
The good news is with Tiger going back to school already we've all had to take him and get out of the house. Which meant we were able to finish up last minute school shopping for Anabelle and Lennon and I gave in and got Lennon his end of the summer, back to school haircut. He looks so damn cute.
So, how did our summer go? It went... well. The kids getting older meant I felt mentally ready tackle commitments that I would have steered clear of in the past. Anabelle expressed interest in "swimming in races" so we enrolled her in swim classes to learn her strokes. And Tiger and Lennon sat with me as we all watched her learn. It also encouraged Tiger to try to swim without his floaties and within a week he was doing it! Jumping in and swimming completely on his own. Big kid, that cub of mine. Anabelle completed 3 weeks of swim lessons and I have now enrolled her in a local swim club to continue learning strokes and lane swimming. Still feeling a little bit reluctant because of the fact that her lessons will be 2 days/week, after school and I will have the boys with me, but nowhere near as hesitant as I would have been last summer. Baby steps. Always moving forward.
Anabelle is almost as tall as me. She is still such a little spirit. Free in nature, loving and very much a spitfire. She has mastered her negotiation skills this summer and she has become quite the little problem solver. Her memory has improved and we've spent a lot of this summer talking about trips we've taken or stuff she remembers as a baby. It's so fascinating to hear her say things like "do you remember when I rode my tricycle for Monarch and won a medal"? Um... Yes I do! She is such a little independent sweet soul and her sometimes tough exterior is no match for her kind and gentle heart. It's hard not to expect too much from her. She is so smart and so capable. What I see when I look at her... oh man. I cry. She will build bridges one day.
Lennon has grown leaps and bounds. And as much as he continues to challenge me on a daily basis I have been able to step outside of myself enough to recognize how far he has come. I know he tries to push my buttons and rather than using his words he will cry or scream at me and I have to let him know that, that's just not gonna fly. I know what he's capable of and I am sure he is capable of way more than I even give him credit for. He is so fricken smart. He loves to sing and he loves to read. We've read a slew of books this summer and more often than not I will catch him sitting on his bed with a book in hand, just reading to himself. Our screen time has decreased and I started playing music every morning. This beautiful boy of mine will sit on the couch and dance and sing and listen and act as if his entire body is feeling the music. I could sit and watch him all day... Imagining and wondering what is going through his mind. Does he feel the music? He must. When I sit with him and we listen together my heart feels it and I tear up and cry. Totally and awesomely by coincidence RIGHT NOW the song that is playing is, "The Energy Never Dies". It really doesn't.
Tiger has impressed me so much this summer. He hears and sees everything and is always wanting to learn. Every time I sat down to do a homeschool lesson with Anabelle and Lennon he was right there with us, asking for his work also. He would wake up and ask for circle time where we would sing songs and read together. And at dinner time he would ask us all to sit together to "talk about our days". He was so excited to go back to school to be in the "big kid" classroom and when we all went to his Meet the Teacher night he wanted me to leave him there. He loves his siblings and has a very special bond with his "sissy". I wish he and Lennon would play together more, but I understand that Lennon is not quite there yet. My heart does break a little when I hear Anabelle and Tiger having a blast in their make believe world without him. Will he join them one day? I can see you shaking your head, yes. I agree. :) He loves to play and will often sit down next to them to watch. He is always watching.
Ok, so here we are! THREE DAYS from school starting and routines and structure and yes, more crazy. Even though there were many a rough patches this summer I am finding myself in a different head and heart space than last year. Ready to take on the school year and ready to be even more involved. Ready to take on commitments and to encourage my children to do the same. *Remind me of this later when I'm stressing out about said commitments* ;)
Happy end of summer days to you! And to us! Three more days!
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