Autism and me have not always been friends. We for sure didn’t start out that way. Autism stormed it’s way into our lives and after years of having that internal battle, I knew I had to do everything I could to help my children, while at the same time not knowing what this meant for our family. To see it, to talk about, to say the words out loud, meant there was no going back. Even though I knew there wasn’t. It took me a long time to be ready for that. I often wonder what more I could have done, but that’s a never-ending windy road that never ends well, so I’m just going to steer clear of it.
With autism comes countless waves of emotions, loneliness, solitude, happiness and sadness. Constantly worrying about what each new day would bring and how we, as a family, would overcome has been an obstacle that we constantly face. It doesn’t just go away when we have good days; in fact sometimes it makes me more aware of this great big world around us when we celebrate our beautiful, small, but oh so mighty milestones.
In our family, autism means I may never know “why” my children make the choices they make. And this means I will forever have to accept those choices; for our family and in our home. Even if it means my son breaks 2 of my wine glasses “on accident” even though he “threw them” and all we can do is clean up the mess, talk to him and hope he learns that a choice like that is a dangerous one. This also means that when I hear quiet for too long it means he is most likely pouring out all of Eric’s mouthwash in the sink or my (non toxic, natural) cleaning solution. Why? Good question. And one that I don’t have the answer to… yet. I am hopeful, of course. This also means that with successes comes new challenges; challenges that I barely learn how to navigate, but try my damnedest to. I cry, I learn. We cry, we learn. And on and on and on....
My son, my beautiful boy, my shining spectrum spitfire, will be turning 10 in 10 days and I have come to the conclusion that autism and I are, in fact, friends. Because with every challenge that has come our way we have grown as a family and I have learned so much about what is important in life. The mistakes he makes are his to learn from and it’s my job to help guide him to do just that. It’s also my job to not put him in a position where he will be set up to “fail”. It’s crucial that I know all about the environment and what our surroundings will be like before making any decisions. And the toughest lessons are ours to learn from each other. We will go on adventures and we will live our lives; we just do it cautiously, even though we have been known to throw caution to the wind! Living this life of ours means we love, we respect and most importantly it means that we acknowledge that shit happens. And when it does, we talk about it, hopefully learn from it and move on. And cross our fingers it doesn't happen again. ;) And if it does, we rinse and repeat...
This is what I need those in our life to understand the most. Autism comes first. We weigh any potential pros and cons and we make a decision. And if we're having a rough day, if autism has given me a run for my money, a simple "I am sorry you're having a rough day" will do. Maybe even a hug. I don't expect you to know what that means in our house. I know it means something different for everybody. I write this in solidarity with you all. ✊🏼💙💗
With autism comes countless waves of emotions, loneliness, solitude, happiness and sadness. Constantly worrying about what each new day would bring and how we, as a family, would overcome has been an obstacle that we constantly face. It doesn’t just go away when we have good days; in fact sometimes it makes me more aware of this great big world around us when we celebrate our beautiful, small, but oh so mighty milestones.
In our family, autism means I may never know “why” my children make the choices they make. And this means I will forever have to accept those choices; for our family and in our home. Even if it means my son breaks 2 of my wine glasses “on accident” even though he “threw them” and all we can do is clean up the mess, talk to him and hope he learns that a choice like that is a dangerous one. This also means that when I hear quiet for too long it means he is most likely pouring out all of Eric’s mouthwash in the sink or my (non toxic, natural) cleaning solution. Why? Good question. And one that I don’t have the answer to… yet. I am hopeful, of course. This also means that with successes comes new challenges; challenges that I barely learn how to navigate, but try my damnedest to. I cry, I learn. We cry, we learn. And on and on and on....
My son, my beautiful boy, my shining spectrum spitfire, will be turning 10 in 10 days and I have come to the conclusion that autism and I are, in fact, friends. Because with every challenge that has come our way we have grown as a family and I have learned so much about what is important in life. The mistakes he makes are his to learn from and it’s my job to help guide him to do just that. It’s also my job to not put him in a position where he will be set up to “fail”. It’s crucial that I know all about the environment and what our surroundings will be like before making any decisions. And the toughest lessons are ours to learn from each other. We will go on adventures and we will live our lives; we just do it cautiously, even though we have been known to throw caution to the wind! Living this life of ours means we love, we respect and most importantly it means that we acknowledge that shit happens. And when it does, we talk about it, hopefully learn from it and move on. And cross our fingers it doesn't happen again. ;) And if it does, we rinse and repeat...
This is what I need those in our life to understand the most. Autism comes first. We weigh any potential pros and cons and we make a decision. And if we're having a rough day, if autism has given me a run for my money, a simple "I am sorry you're having a rough day" will do. Maybe even a hug. I don't expect you to know what that means in our house. I know it means something different for everybody. I write this in solidarity with you all. ✊🏼💙💗
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