"Go Easy On Me."

When I first heard the song, "Easy On Me" by Adele, I thought to myself, "it's a nice song, but it doesn't resonate with me." I couldn't relate and didn't feel emotional about it. And that's not common for me when it comes to music. Music usually affects me in some manner. I'll cry, laugh, sing along, dance even. Or I will absolutely not like it. I rarely have a non reaction. I heard the song a few times and even played it for a co-worker, reciting those same words, "this song doesn't resonate with me." And it didn't. Until, it did..... I think originally my mind, my heart and my delicate emotional state were in full blown self-protecting mode from the outpouring of emotions that would ensue when it finally did hit me. FUCK. I let my wall down or rather it came crashing down. So much about this song hit home for me, from different perspectives and from every angle. It became relentless. Which makes perfect sense. 

I had thought for so long about what I would write about next and while I often felt consumed by emotional experiences, I simply put off writing about any of it. I decided this morning to check in on this blog and typically when I log back in, I re-read my previous post. That didn't help with my current emotional outcry. I think I've been holding these tears hostage for quite some times as they flooded the surface and I continued reading through my watery blurred vision.

Life has been hard and even stings sometimes. Throw in a pandemic, familial health scares and the uncertainty of it all and I am doing everything I can to not drown in those very same tears. Having a pre-teen growing boy with autism and hormones to boot has proved to be beyond challenging. It's hard. For all of us. I used to think life would get easier as my son grew older and that couldn't be further from the truth. Feeling isolated, secluded and alone are just par for the course now. 

I now hang onto every. single. word. of this dang song as to how it absolutely relates to our world. Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up. I wave the white flag, but nobody sees it. Perhaps because it's simply not in my DNA to give up. Everyday, I will try. Even when it seems like the obstacles come at us on the daily, multiple times a day. I can find the light in the heart of the challenge and the soul of the struggle. Even on our worst days, I get there. Some days it takes longer than others, but when we get to the other side we are better for it. I wish I had all the answers. Sometimes it feels good to just write shit down. So, go easy...